Fat, Thin, Fat: My Weight Loss Hell Ride

It took me a while to figure out what I was going to call this post being that there are so many mixed emotions wrapped around this subject matter for me, but in the end I figured “How to lose 100 pounds and then gain it all back” was a bit too long. So here is a condensed version of my story. I was a chubby baby. I was a fat kid. I was a fat adult. I was a skinny adult. I am a fat adult.

Weight loss, or better yet proper health and weight maintenance has always been a challenge for me from the time I was a kid through now. I had periods of weight fluctuation in high school but for the most part I was a big guy. I’ll skip all the reasons why, because we all know why people get fat, poor choices in food and inactivity. While I do acknowledge the mental/emotional aspects of the why, I don’t make it my excuse.

Jump back about 10 years, i was pushing 310 pounds, and began to have some health problems that scared the crap out of me. Doctor said I needed to change or I would die. I heeded his word. I immediately changed my eating habits, and started an exercise program doing martial arts twice a week, then I began running as well. Ever see a fat guy run? Not a pretty sight, but I did it. Occasionally got heckled by drivers but that fueled the fire. And sometimes strangers would also encourage me, so that made up for it. When I started I couldn’t run more than 2 blocks without stopping to rest. A year later, I was running 5 miles on my non-martial arts days, and had dropped 100 pounds the old fashioned way, hard work and sweat. I was fitting into sizes I hadn’t seen since middle school. It was amazing and I was ecstatic about the transformation that I had done on my own. The doctors were pretty impressed too because I had pretty much reversed my physical ailments and even got off the blood pressure medicine. I felt great.

I managed to maintain this for a good 5 years before things started to change too, so it’s not like I went back immediately. I was at the point where I had even stepped up my martial arts regimen and was doing 2-3 hours a day. Kung Fu, Brazilian Ju Jitsu, and Kick Boxing was paying off. I could eat whatever I wanted and still maintain my weight because I was doing so much exercise. But then things started to change. So what the hell happened? Well, a number of things. My work schedule started getting more and more demanding and I was getting out of work later, so I began missing classes here and there. At first I made up for it by jogging, but then I would slowly begin to skip jogging because I was exhausted from work. Then my wife got pregnant with our little girl and I began doing a lot of prep work for the house. At this point I was down to exercising once or twice a week and the weight was slowly creeping back on and I was still eating like i was working out. Once baby was born I was working 60 hours a week and workouts went to once a month, and then disappeared, and I still have not returned to my gym.

So here I am, almost back at my old weight, and feeling like an idiot. Not to mention feeling worse for the wear. When people ask me what happened I jokingly tell them that I had so much fun losing the hundred pounds the first time that I wanted to do it again, but we all know that’s bull.

It’s been a struggle and a challenge trying to re-commit myself to eating right and getting back into a program of exercise. I bring my workout clothes to work but don’t always make it to the gym or to jogging. I’m ashamed to show my face back at my old martial arts gym because I feel like all the hard work was for nothing and that I failed. But ultimately I have to remind myself that it’s not a failure, just a set back and If I learn from something it is not a failure.

I acknowledge my mistakes and my part in letting this happen again. I know that I need to take control of my time and my habits and once again apply the same focus and determination that I did before, only this time I need to stay consistent with the eating right and maintain better balance in life to give myself the time I need to work out. It’s simple really, but at the same time the hardest thing in the world. But when I look at the alternative, I realize nothing is as costly as not doing anything at all. So here’s to the power of the human will to transform itself into whatever it can fathom. I can DO this….I’ve already done it once.